Life Goes On.. Or Does It???

Like my friend put on her status on Facebook :

"Missing old times and feeling sad bcoz its never gonna come again :("

Old times are never gonna come again.. Like my grandpa used to say, every moment gone is never gonna come back again.  And I feel that so much today when i miss him the most! When he went away from all of us, we didn't know we'd miss him so much! Life goes on, but does it? I seem to forget him all through the day... And as the days pass his grief becomes less and less to me. But does it?

Last night I again dreamt of him. And I cried like mad again! Couldn't cry out  loud. 'Cause I was sleeping after all! But my heart pained like the first day I got the news.. He hugged me in my dreams!! And I cried in his arms. I miss him so much! I can't believe he's gone.. forever.. I repent all those moments I spent upstairs at Bandel. I should have spent those moments with Nanai and Tatai, like Dad used to tell me. 

Know what, he used to tell me all those nice stories about his life. Maybe I'll narrate them someday for all of you to read. He was a person the like of whom I've never met anywhere. The most virtuous person! I've met so many people, but never seen one having such a personality! I wish I could make him proud someday by being like him. I wish he could see me become an engineer, he wouldn't have to wait even a year. Oh, why did he go away? Why do people have to go away? I know everyone has to go away some day. But why? I can't believe he's gone. I wish he would come back and hold my hand again! We all need you badly Tatai, more than ever right now. Please don't leave us like this. Please guide me through my life. Please help me make the right decisions. You are the only one who believed in me when everyone else had lost their faith. Please love me the way you always did. Please tell me all those stories again...

I love you Tatai, and no one can ever make up what I have lost in the last one month!

Fairy Tales...

Remember all those fairy tales Mum used to read you to bed? Or those "Once upon a time..." that you read with eyes round like a saucer, that had those beautiful princesses meeting the most handsome and chivalrous princes you could ever fathom? How these stories ended with "... and they lived happily ever after!" and you slept contented under your blanket.

And then, how you grew up with time and learnt to unlearn these imaginations that came not from the brain, but from the heart. They died before ever blooming out. You learnt how to struggle for your life, for after all, the world demands "survival of the fittest". 

But then, life does not allow for fairy tales, and we are not fairies. In the fairy tales too they struggle, they kill the fiercest monsters, but whatever they may do, they always win in the end. And that's what matters. People write stories about these princes because they win. If they didn't win, no one would write a story about them, would they? After all, history is written by the one who wins!

My life used to be a fairy tale, till about a month back, when everything started going wrong all at once. But that's another story, and will be narrated some other day maybe. Well, the fairy tale did not have a oh-so-perfect ending. Because I invested all my will, but couldn't take away his pain. I saw him suffer, and I pained inside. I prayed to my dearest Gulgul, I asked him to cure him take whatever may, but somewhere something went wrong, because nothing worked, as it usually does. I am a very lucky person, but all my luck failed this time, when I needed it the most.

Don't know when I have to say goodbye to him. Hope it's longer than it seems. Hope against all hope that he gets well again, and I may write happily that all God does, He does for the best only! Because, I can't see what's the best behind this so far. Whatever comes, please always remember Tatai, that I love you the most, and wherever you are, I'll still hold your finger tight when I sit on your shoulder, and we'll walk home the big lobster once more, and you'll narrate me to sleep the story of "Toka-Tuki". Oh, I so wish all those days were back again, and I so wish we were all sitting happily at Bandel, loving each moment we spend together!

Essays

Here, I have decided to write essays and post over here. I think that would help me prepare for my exams as well..

Do comment on these essays when you see them posted, people..

Look Out!

Well, this is for all you guys out there. Never fall in love with a girl. They suck your blood out and leave you an empty shell. You try to please them, you try to take care of them. But all they try to do is mold you according to their choice, with no regard to what you may feel about it. They say they love you, but they love no one but themselves.

So look out before you jump into your failure guys. The world's a tough place, and girls are the most complex entity you may ever find!

Mum's song!

Here is a song from one of Mum's albums, 'Dur Nilimaye' (produced by BSP, 2003). Lyrics and composition by Subodh Ganguly. The song is titled 'Oi jhaubon painer phake phake'. Do check it once guys!!

India... Yesterday.. Today.. Tomorrow?

I have a question. Why hasn't India produced any great sages in the past hundred years? Prior to that, there seems to have been a constant effluence of sages who shook the spiritual life of India. Has then, India forgotten its own self, its own culture, its own essence?
I think we have Westernized ourselves a little too much! We follow Western ideals, Western culture, Western fashion, Western food, festival and even Western freedom! I do not say that we should not follow any idea or ideal that is good, but we cannot afford to lose our very own self in doing so. We cannot and must not think our own ideals to be inferior to Occidental ideas. We have forgotten many of our own ideals in our trial to follow the West. And believe me, These ideals were good. They spoke of the heart, the soul, the infinity and eternity of God.
They taught us tolerance. Tolerance is one of the greatest virtues of the human soul. It teaches not only how not to fight, but also how to sympathize, how to accept. India has grown through the centuries based on this virtue. Our ancestors accepted all infiltrations to India. They never spoke against another religion. They accepted all and grew along with all. Today, we have, most of us, lost this virtue of tolerance, of forgiving. We think we are living our life, we ask for freedom. But we never learn to forgive. We try to take revenge. As Gandhiji said, "If everyone tries to take an eye for an eye, then the whole world would turn blind." It is not untrue. Revenge does not make man gain anything. Forgiving gives a man peace. We do not have the right to cause another pain. If a dog bites you, you cannot bite the dog back. Otherwise what difference is there between you and the dog?
That worst thing that could happen to India has happened. We do not believe in God any more. We have become the so-called Atheists. The masses say, "can you prove God?" No, we cannot. But then, how do we prove that we  even exist? How do we prove that all that we are seeing is not a dream, that we may wake up from any moment? We cannot even prove that we are living! Has any of the so-called Atheists never prayed? In danger, it is that higher power whom we submit to. Every person does so. Then are we not being hypocrites?
We have forgotten even how to love. Above everything, we try to find our narrow gain. What will I gain from this? But this is not love. There is still eternal love that exists - the love of our parents. That never degrades. They can give up everything they have, even their life, for their children. They do not even need a reason to do so. But we have lost that love for our fellow beings. India, its religion, and its culture has always taught that love. A century ago, when a visitor came to the door, the common man greeted him with pure love from the heart. They could even give up their meal to feed their guest. Now-a-days, when we have a guest, we wonder why that person is budging in on our privacy.
Why are we submerging ourselves so much into another ideal, that we are forgetting who we are? We can only mimic others, we can never be them. We can be ourselves, though, and we can excel in what we are. Let us regain what all we have lost. Let us learn again to tolerate, forgive, love, respect. Let us be Indians once more. Our nation needs us. If we are lost in false attractions, then so is our nation lost. We cannot afford to lose what we have, because we have a treasure that no one else has. If we do not preserve it, then we are idiots. Let India rise again, in her own glory, and not in the glory borrowed from someone else. Let us be ourselves.

This post is influenced by 'To the Youth of India' by Swami Vivekananda - my pathapradarshak.