Life Goes On.. Or Does It???

Like my friend put on her status on Facebook :

"Missing old times and feeling sad bcoz its never gonna come again :("

Old times are never gonna come again.. Like my grandpa used to say, every moment gone is never gonna come back again.  And I feel that so much today when i miss him the most! When he went away from all of us, we didn't know we'd miss him so much! Life goes on, but does it? I seem to forget him all through the day... And as the days pass his grief becomes less and less to me. But does it?

Last night I again dreamt of him. And I cried like mad again! Couldn't cry out  loud. 'Cause I was sleeping after all! But my heart pained like the first day I got the news.. He hugged me in my dreams!! And I cried in his arms. I miss him so much! I can't believe he's gone.. forever.. I repent all those moments I spent upstairs at Bandel. I should have spent those moments with Nanai and Tatai, like Dad used to tell me. 

Know what, he used to tell me all those nice stories about his life. Maybe I'll narrate them someday for all of you to read. He was a person the like of whom I've never met anywhere. The most virtuous person! I've met so many people, but never seen one having such a personality! I wish I could make him proud someday by being like him. I wish he could see me become an engineer, he wouldn't have to wait even a year. Oh, why did he go away? Why do people have to go away? I know everyone has to go away some day. But why? I can't believe he's gone. I wish he would come back and hold my hand again! We all need you badly Tatai, more than ever right now. Please don't leave us like this. Please guide me through my life. Please help me make the right decisions. You are the only one who believed in me when everyone else had lost their faith. Please love me the way you always did. Please tell me all those stories again...

I love you Tatai, and no one can ever make up what I have lost in the last one month!

Fairy Tales...

Remember all those fairy tales Mum used to read you to bed? Or those "Once upon a time..." that you read with eyes round like a saucer, that had those beautiful princesses meeting the most handsome and chivalrous princes you could ever fathom? How these stories ended with "... and they lived happily ever after!" and you slept contented under your blanket.

And then, how you grew up with time and learnt to unlearn these imaginations that came not from the brain, but from the heart. They died before ever blooming out. You learnt how to struggle for your life, for after all, the world demands "survival of the fittest". 

But then, life does not allow for fairy tales, and we are not fairies. In the fairy tales too they struggle, they kill the fiercest monsters, but whatever they may do, they always win in the end. And that's what matters. People write stories about these princes because they win. If they didn't win, no one would write a story about them, would they? After all, history is written by the one who wins!

My life used to be a fairy tale, till about a month back, when everything started going wrong all at once. But that's another story, and will be narrated some other day maybe. Well, the fairy tale did not have a oh-so-perfect ending. Because I invested all my will, but couldn't take away his pain. I saw him suffer, and I pained inside. I prayed to my dearest Gulgul, I asked him to cure him take whatever may, but somewhere something went wrong, because nothing worked, as it usually does. I am a very lucky person, but all my luck failed this time, when I needed it the most.

Don't know when I have to say goodbye to him. Hope it's longer than it seems. Hope against all hope that he gets well again, and I may write happily that all God does, He does for the best only! Because, I can't see what's the best behind this so far. Whatever comes, please always remember Tatai, that I love you the most, and wherever you are, I'll still hold your finger tight when I sit on your shoulder, and we'll walk home the big lobster once more, and you'll narrate me to sleep the story of "Toka-Tuki". Oh, I so wish all those days were back again, and I so wish we were all sitting happily at Bandel, loving each moment we spend together!